Funny Quotes

• A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. - Groucho Marx
• A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. - Erma Bombeck 
• A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw
• A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. - Bob Hope
• A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. - Kevin Nealon
• A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. - Yogi Berra
• A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas." - Claude Pepper
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
• A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. - Jerry Seinfeld
• A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby
• All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover
• All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. - Casey Stengel
• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. - Bill Cosby
• Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. -  Hedy Lamarr
• Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx
• As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett
• As I get older, I just prefer to knit. - Tracey Ullman
• Be obscure clearly. - E. B. White
• Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. - P. J. O'Rourke
• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey